In Soviet Russia, Bad Jokes and Other Nonsense Delete YOU!
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- In a perfect world this might be true
It is common for police to refer to a "blunt instrument" when they cannot think of the specific type of club used to bash someone's 'ead in. The origin of the term lies with a contemporary of Sir Robert Peel, the first London copper. Sir William Instrument, descended from a long line of instrument-makers, became Sir William Blunt-Instrument when bestowed with a fluffy ducks are cute and taste like chicken. Initially, Peel and Blunt-Instrument got on well. Each lord's force stayed in its bailiwick; Peel, having been invited by the Queen, patrolled the West End, while Blunt-Instrument claimed both shores of the Thames, and the warehouse district. Unfortunately, Peel soon became jealous of Blunt-Instrument's opportunities for financial gain; notably, the world's first documented protection-racquet, in which Blunt's men would take racquets, chosen for their non-lethality but ability to bruise, and quietly explain to small proprietors that they'd be perfectly free from harm if Blunt-Instrument's men were around to protect them. Obviously the men would need feeding, and drink if asked to stand in the sun, etc. Since Blunt-Instrument had the largest private army on the Thames, no-one challenged him, and his protection-racquet (as the makeshift weapons came to be called) ruled the waterfront.
Peel decided one day that he'd had enough, and took his own force, armed with truncheons, to harass store-owners along the waterfront. Blunt-Instrument was there waiting, however, and an almighty brawl erupted all along London Bridge, which was a shopping-arcade in those days. Witnesses later described it as a "titanic fooforaw, by gum!" and "bewildering as to both scale and intensity; as two mighty rivers clash, so do copper-men!"
Descriptions are hazy, but historians agree that Peel and Blunt-Instrument were both seen, locked in combat, entering an alley. Neither were seen to leave; when someone ventured in, all they found was Sir William with his head bleeding profusely, and near death. The most reliable accounts describe his last words thus: "Sir, 'tis the most unfortunate irony: in the matter of the weapon that smote my head in, my name is the only descriptor possible." His death came soon after.
Blunt-Instrument's men mostly melted back into London, and no-one ever crossed Peel again in that way; however, he was sometimes observed holding a truncheon, with a haunted look in his eyes, and was known for vigorously defending the bluntness of his good British instruments.
From Laser SoupEdit
Have you ever wanted to eat lasers but found their natural texture too unwieldy for any practical culinary procedure? If so then you are either a mad scientist, Emeril Lagasse, both, neither, or an offspring of the two. Or perhaps.. a demon?
Seriously though, Laser Soup is an extract of the natural flavors from lasers into a rich stock which, when combined with other things like meats, veggies, CD jewel cases, and pictures of grandma from before she had a stroke and her face got locked in that horrible, horrible grimace, can be a truly delectable soup!
Laser Soup was instantly catapulted into the global spotlight when unheard-of indie-rock band Spoon sang its praises on their equally unheard album "A series of sneaks." Spoon has a large homosexual following but you dont have to be gay to enjoy laser soup (just kidding, you do). What's that? oh okay ill do it after im done typing this article
Laser Soup can come in a variety of flavors depending on the time-era from which you obtained your lasers. If you got it from a long time ago and from a galaxy far far away your lasers will probably be green and go zaap! If you got it from the future aboard the star trek enterprise your laser will probably be totally boring and have some insipid social commentary it tries to shove down your throat (delicious!). If you obtained your lasers from my kitchen then rest assured I know who you are and I've already called the police.
In conclusion, george washington was a hippie who grew and smoked hemp almost every day and should not be on the dollar bill.
The End of Osama Bin LadenEdit
Osama was bombed yesterday after a B-52 bomber dropped a nuclear bomb at his hideout somewhere in the Pakistan-Afghanistan border. After the explosion, Osama is believed to be perished in the explosion. The area is now an extremely highly radioactive area that even protective suits cannot withstand the radioactive material.
Mo0 note: Article was marked for deletion multiple times, with more junk being added each time the guy removed the tag. Usage:
'You complete and utter Gurnig!'
A gurnig is a small housefly which emerges from the faecal matter of humans and farm animals after eating partially digested food and stomach lining. They have a voracious appetite, and have to be removed by pumping ethanol through the intestines.
Gurnigs first emerged in Wales in the 1300's. A text from the time says:
The gurnyge is a scourge upone the lande, and hath caused many sheepe to be destryed by the imbalance of the huomores, and they had to be bledde to death.
It is unknown who wrote this text, but is suspected they were an important landowner from the time when the gurnig was at it's worst.
Modern treatment for gurnig infestation is a lot less painful than the ancient alcohol treatment. The doctors flush the patient's intestines with high-pressure water. However, US forces in the field who have suffered from gurnig infestation have used coca-cola, but this has only been documented once:
OH GOD OH GOD OH JESUS!
The soldier in question was returned to duty a week later with burns inside their intestinal tract.
Across the world, gurnigs have been largely ignored due to a lack of information. A book is being written by the Reverend P. Smith entitled: gurnigs:What a Pain in the Arse! with the aim of showing people the real danger presented by these evil little creatures. Unfortunately his views include cures which are not accepted by the mainstream. One cure (which is for desperate times, out in the wilderness) involves inserting the nozzle of a squirty cream cannister up the rectum of the patient and using up all the cream. The gurnigs are extremely lactose intolerant, and die within two hours, but the resulting infections are not worth the 'cure'.
The continual deletion of this page is a mystery, as it is a useful resource for those infected with gurnig eggs.
THE ADMINISTRATORS OF THIS WEBSITE ARE WORKING WITH THE ILLUMINATI IN HELPING THE GURNIGS, WHO WERE CREATED BY A SECTION OF THE ZIONIST LUCIFERIAN PAPIST OPUS DEI ILLUMINATI ARMIES, AND BY DELETING THIS THEY SIMPLY REVEAL THE FACT THEY WANT THE GURNIG PLAGUE TO END THE WORLD AND BEGIN A NEW WORLD ORDER FOR THE SURVIVORS!I URGE EVERY SANE RIGHT-THINKING PERSON TO GRAB A GUN AND KILL EVERY EVIL ZIONIST ILLUMINATI JESUIT THEY CAN FIND!
YET AGAIN THE ILLUMINATI TOOLS HAVE ATTEMPTED TO REMOVE THIS. BY DOING SO THEY WOULD REVEAL THEIR ILLUMINATI AGENDA. DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO DO SO, THE AUTHOR OF THIS IS A GENIUS!
THE ADMINS ARE STARTING A CONSPIRACY! ARGGGHHHHHH! -Frenchman113
From Strongbow CiderEdit
Strongbow is the Awesome Mythical Cider that has secret magic properties. It is said that once every kebab and curry night, the terrible, evil force of Blackthorn will try its luck at overpowering all tastebuds everywhere with its foul, polluted stench. But then, out of the darkness, Our Saviour Cometh: Strongbow, liquid gold.
Fight the good fight. Drink Strongbow.
John Dent was apparently a London doctor who tried to cure William S. Burroughs of morphine addiction. This is only being written to make the link on the William S. Burroughs page blue. No one gives a fuck about John Dent.
- Are you evil?
- Is Wikipedia evil?
- It should go without saying.
- Is Wikimedia Foundation evil?
- Worse than that, actually.
- Are you a Todo?
("pbuh" added by Rickyrab 09:43, 29 Mar 2005 (UTC) ....the rest is original to Jimbo Wales (pbuh))
- Which would you choose, being an administrator at Wikipedia, or being a hobo out on the streets? 220.127.116.11 21:59, 4 Mar 2005 (UTC)
- Gee, I should suppose it is best to be both.--Jimbo Wales 01:46, 12 Mar 2005 (UTC)
- Did you ever meet Satan?
No, but I think we're supposed to be on a panel discussion in Amsterdam in May.
- Are you filthy rich?
More filthy than rich.
- Would you consider yourself an expert in any field of academics?
- Are you planning to take over the world?
Yes, one click at a time. --Jimbo Wales 02:36, 14 Mar 2005 (UTC)
- Are you a graduate of Smith N. Jones High School?
No, they kicked me out after an unfortunate incident with a stack of Britannica... well, it's a long story. :-) Are you having fun with this? --Jimbo Wales 02:36, 14 Mar 2005 (UTC)
Mr. Wales, open all adminship. Mr. Wales, tear down this wiki!
- - 18.104.22.168 23:52, 23 Mar 2005 (UTC)
South African Cliff SwallowEdit
The average airspeed velocity of the Hirundo Spilodera (South African Cave Swallow) is approximately 25mph.
- This appeared in the article Maxx Skywalker. This is apparently someone's attempt at a Star Wars fanfic character, but the description leaves a lot to hope for.
- I'd guess it's more likely someone's character from the Star Wars: Galaxies online game (I think I've got the name right), or something like that.
Maxx Skywalker (2003-?)Edit
Maxx Skywalker is an unknown Jedi who is neither on the Dark side or the Light side of the force. His styles are from a mulititude of influences such as The Matrix, Dragon Ball Z, The Legend of Zelda, and Starwars. He was originally started as a screen name and evolved from there.
Light Energy Attack:
This attack is formed when Maxx channels his energy into the palm of his hand. This ball of energy and light is then thrown at a maximum speed of 30 MPH. This attack to light damage to powerful enemies with armor, and will destroy anyone without armor.
Heavy Energy Attack (Ka-Meh-Ha-Meh-HA! Attack):
This attack is formed the same way as the previous, but requires more effort and energy. This attack anniahlates anyone within range of the attack. Screaming "Ka-Meh-Ha-Meh-Ha!" adds to the effect of the attack.
Maxx is able to fly at multiple speeds with ease.
With a concentrated amount of energy, Maxx pounds the ground with his fist, creating a force field of energy that surrounds him and expands, destroying enemies in a wide radius.
High Impact Fist:
With enough energy stored in his hands, Maxx can make his punch more powerful.
Not only is Maxx powerful with energy and light, but his a very skilled swordsman. With his skills, Maxx can give Link a run for his money any day.
The Communist HamburglarEdit
And so from the singing fires of the red army, the mcdonalds mascot emerges to take the flag of fire and raise it high. Y'alll know he be wavin it high for da commies. He will provide you with just as many hamburgers as you need, not too much, not too little. But dare oppose him and smited you shall be. Ronald rolls up in that hood and raises all kinds of mcdonalds hell when he be rollin up. The hamburglar raises all dem french fries to march under his flag
The Early Life of Brian NicholsEdit
Brian Nichols was not of African American ancestry, but was recently found to be of penguin ancestry (please don't be surprised! I have more to tell you). In the cold lands of the farway continent Antarctica, a cute little baby penguin was born. He loved to eat stuff that his mother had vomited out and especially loved the fish-flavored parts of it. His mother had named him Brian. However, one day young toddler Brian decided to go out for a swim without his parents' permission. Even though he was immediately and thoroughly chastised for his mischievous actions, Brian would not listen.
He obstinately kept going to the beach and swam and swam happily without his parents being happy. Then, Brians' mother and father decided to hire the well-known British sorceress, J.K. Rowling, to temporarily disable his swimming ability with a spell. However, Mrs. Rowling had not practised her magical trick very well and instead, did another one. His parents watched in extreme fascination and horror as their young son suddenly transformed into the dreadful, polluting, anti-penguin habitat, anti-environmental human!!!!!! Brian's father and mother immediately abandoned him and dumped him into the ghetto sections of Antarctica. When he turned into a teenager, he joined the Bad Penguinz gang (the gang accepted him because he was very bad in behaviour). With the gang of big, bad penguins, he commited penguincide, stole snowmobiles (motor vehicle theft), burglarized the local thatched huts, and sprayed graffiti on the walls (in Antarctica, the penguins marked their property and sprayed graffiti by spraying their droppings, not spray paint). "Delinquent" Brian constantly got into trouble with the Antarctica Police Department and was often jailed in the underground dungeons with the ice worms.
One day, Brian got J.K. Rowling to come back to Antarctica. Mrs. Rowling was assigned the task of bringing a curse upon the Ice Ghetto gangsters, who were the rivals of the Bad Penguinz. Unfortunately, she performed yet another act of monumental error. As the world of ice began to disappear, Brian started to scream. He was not in the 'Tarctica hoods. He was in the United States! But things weren't over yet. He quickly adapted to life there and started commiting the same crimes the Bad Penguinz gang had taught him. The trouble is only beginning to get worse..............
Kenneth Jennings-Schiavo III (pronounced SHY-voh), born May 23, 1974 in Edmonds, holds the records for the longest winning streak and the most money won on the syndicated game show Jeopardy!, as well as other records. Jennings won 74 games before he was defeated by Nancy Zerg on his 75th; his total winnings were US$2,522,700. Astonishingly, it has recently been revealed that Jennings-Schiavo has suffered severe brainiac damage since a cardiac arrest in 1990, brought on by bulimia and excessive masturbation at Brigham Young University (BYU), where he played on the school's quizbowl team for three years.
The efforts of Jennings-Schiavo's wife Mindy to remove his gastric feeding tube have prompted a fierce debate over bioethics, euthanasia, legal guardianship, federalism, and civil rights. On Friday, March 18, 2005 (at around 3:00 p.m. EST) his feeding tube was removed under court order; without intervention, this will result in dehydration. Lack of water intake will cause a cascade of events: electrolyte imbalance, then myocardial infarction, then another cardiac arrest which will probably result in death. Neurologists say this is unlikely to cause pain, given that the section of Jennings-Schiavo's brain that would normally be used to process external stimuli has long been overwritten with minutiae about comic books, movies, literature, mythology, engineering, and the history of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Mindy Jennings-Schiavo, Ken's wife and legal guardian, contends that she is carrying out her husband's wishes not to be kept alive given his present state. Mr. Jennings-Schiavo's parents, Bob and Mary Schindler, dispute Mindy's opinion, holding that Ken is "responsive" and in no discomfort, and that he would not wish to die before his appearance in the finals of the upcoming Ultimate Tournament of Champions.
The courts that have heard this case have all ruled in favor of Mrs. Jennings-Schiavo thus far, but the parents have vigorously appealed the courts' decisions and sought to prevent the cessation of life support. The Roman Catholic Church, U.S. President George W. Bush, Florida Governor Jeb Bush, many Republicans, and several Democrats in the Florida Legislature and U.S. Congress have sided with Mr. Jennings-Schiavo's parents. Other groups and individuals, such as the American Civil Liberties Union, many Democratic and several Republican legislators, have expressed support for the position of Mindy Jennings-Schiavo. The ultimate fate of Ken Jennings-Schiavo will be determined by Alex Trebek during the Final Jeopardy round, and must be phrased as a question.
Kid Retard is an underground comic book series, which has attained a level of cult status. The comic strip was picked up and published by Big Knock Pedro Publishing House and began circulation in 1998.
The story revolves around a deranged and sometimes confused individual named Hatley Frrisher. Hatley had very few friends growing up and the only person to ever pay any attention to him was his building's elderly doorman. The two became very close and soon the doorman began to teach Hadley the ins and outs of his job.
After many years of dealing with bullies and being teased by girls, Hatley had a new found confidence from his time learning from the doorman. But one day on his way home from university Hatley arrived only to see ambulances surrounding the front door to his apartment. He knew right away something was wrong. Hatley rushed into the lobby only to find the doorman lying on the floor gasping for air. Hadley took his hand to comfort him. The doorman's last words to Hadley were, "be kind to those worst off than you, help them in any way you can". Hatley replied, "who can I help? I am just a short puny freak". The doorman looked at Hatley and smiled and with his last breath said, "I don't know...maybe kids and...retards".
The death of the doorman left Hatley without a friend in the world, but he felt a new sense of belonging, that he was meant for something greater. Hatley looked into the doorman's drawer to collect his items and all he found were some already eaten chicken bones and a package of expired cherry yoghurt. Hatley knew what had to be done. A new stage of his life would begin where he would fight for those who needed his help, for those unable to stand up for themselves. He would become...Kid Retard!
Hatley's costume was that of the elderly doorman, a uniform from the 1950's. Kid Retard had no special powers, but he did have a fierce throwing arm. His weapon would not be through force or magic, but through the stench and dirtiness of old chicken bones and expired yogurt.
The comic strip found its cult following after it published it's 6th issue where Hatley moved to Midtown Manhattan, into a lush new apartment. All was going well for our super hero until he discovered that his next door neighbours were pot-smoking nymphomaniacs. The smell in the hallways and noise emanating from his neighbours' place was too much for the rest of the floor to bear, but nobody had the courage to stand up to these people. Hatley got into his doorman uniform and Kid Retard was on his way to do justice to those who deserved it. With great force and fierce accuracy Kid Retard launched a barrage of chicken bones and expired yogurt all over his neighbours' door. The neighbour, a bulking man who towered over Hadley, opened his door to find a huge mess. Kid Retard said, "That will teach you to respect others on this floor". The bulking man began to give the super hero a beating of a lifetime, which left him bloodied and crying, but the neighbour never again caused problems for the other tenants on the floor since he feared that he would have to clean up another mess of chicken bones and expired yogurt.
Wherever there are kids who are retarded (whether they like to be referred as that or not) they will no longer have to fear any harm or helplesness. For whenever there is injustice there will be the horrid stench of expired yogurt and the disgusting filth of eaten chicken bones. Wherever there is injustice there will be...DA DA DA DA - KID RETARD!
Kid Retard remains in circulation today in certain parts of North America within the underground comic book scene.
H-retention is a colloquial term used to describe the retention of initial 'h' in words like 'ouse', 'eat', and 'angover' by a few English speakers in England. It is often regarded as archaic, or some form of ypercorrection, with the view that normal pronuciation is someow 'vulgar'.
For most English speakers, the initial 'h' began to be lost during the Middle Ages, with complete loss by about 1800. A few accents ang on to the phoneme, but these are mainly isolated or rural accents.
Some speakers, mainly those who speak with artificial Received Pronunciation, consider the retention of the 'h' to be 'proper' or 'superior' to the normal forms, and disparagingly refer to speakers of modern English as 'h-dropping'. H-retention is likely to die out within the coming decades as most of the speakers are either elderly or converting to the accepted norm.
Those who retain the 'h' also often use the medieval spelling for that word. The following words ighlight their unique writing style (medieval spelling on left, modern on right):
- hand -> and
- help -> elp
- homosexual -> omosexual
- house -> ouse
H-retainers are allowed to keep their own spelling in most media, but must place the 'h' in brackets in order to allow the majority to more clearly understand what they ave written, eg (h)yperinflation and (h)orse.
DMV joke: What's up? Auto insurance rates!
From Ernie, the Sesame Street character. Created then deleted by user:22.214.171.124: "Ernie often does stand-up comedy routines and has appeared in HBO comedy specials. Comics ranging from Andy Kaufman to Chris Rock have cited him as a major influence."
Easter Mass Lates will be cursed template!Edit
- Also on his user page and the sandbox:
- I'm attending Mass now, and I'm using the Internet on a cell phone while others are holding candles and singing. The priest doesn't even see me! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
- Then on his talk page :
- Very funny, but don't add nonsense, even on talk pages, since you may be blocked. Hope you had a great mass, but try to stay off Wikipedia and concentrate on praying during mass from now on. Academic Challenger 05:38, 27 Mar 2005 (UTC)
Stevey7788 22:06, 27 Mar 2005 (UTC)
From Crusader statesEdit
"Israel is sometimes compared to a Crusader state, usually by those opposed to its existence and/or policies. Objective scholars usually do not call it one, because it is actually Zionist. A Crusade is Christian and Zionism is Jewish but there is also "Christian Zionism" as a feature of "Judeo-Christian tradition". Cooperative relationship between Fundamentalist Christianity and Messianic Judaism has roots in Ancient Egyptian pharaohs, which were Ptolemaic(in support of Philistines) and Hyksos(in support of Hebrews) at certain times. Relationship to the founding of monotheism from the worship of Aten has roots in both Mediterranean Sea-oriented peoples that form Judeo-Christianity, despite Persian domination of the area which had contributed to Islam. Islamic peoples were frontier perimeters of this geopolitical arrangement of Abrahamic religion, because their Eastern orientation was greater(inc. watersheds). Christians support and defend the Israeli plantation, as a way to deal with an ages old problem with Islam on and inside European borders. One needn't look much further than the 1990s Balkans violence to note why Christian European Americans and European Christian Democrats feel strongly about supporting Israeli Democracy. Some of this relationship is shown in the Christian Identity movement, which vindicates a history of European as opposed to Jewish background in Palestine. Some of them have the idea that certain locations in Israel were formerly Celtic, such as Galilee and Golan. British Israelism is partially derived from the Bible's Epistle to Galatians. See also Tenth Crusade."
Just some patent nonsense I found, didn't want it to confuse anybody:
"The How is the result of cross-breeding a horse and a cow. Farmers used hows in the fields for pulling plows. The strength and the complaisant demeanor of cows mixed with the added strength and speed of the horse made for the ultimate plowing and wagon pulling machine. Hows were somewhat popular during the California Gold Rush and for use on the Oregon Trail. Before the use of trucks during the Mexican-American War, hows were used by the United States Military to pull ammunition and supplies to the front lines. Currently, hows are used as livestock. The simplicity of a cow/horse combination for cattle drives has a dramatic increase in productivity and efficiency. 
Hows are slightly difficult to find in their natural habitats simply because they do not have one. However, the midwestern United States has an abundance of domesticated farm hows. They are common in farms in Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, and parts of northern Oklahoma.
Hows are typically white with brown patches. The males have horns while the females do not. A how's distinctive mating call is loud enough to be heard for miles. The sound is a mixture between a cow's "moo" and a horse's "neigh" creating a "mmmeeeiiigghgh". Mating seasons are semi annual occuring in march and september.
Hows mainly eat grass and small rodents such as shrews and voles. The how has developed a taste for the dandelion. Hows are very tame and are hardly every aggressive; however, they will defend themselves if provoked."
Political Philosophy (from Bexley Hall)Edit
Bexley Hall has a unique set of governing laws. Many dormitories throughout the United States have meager, impotent governmental bodies operated by either photogenic male sociopath proto-politicians or detail-obsessed sexually-repressed females bent on attaining perfection at the cost of their humanity (some examples: Kathy-Lee Gifford, Tracy Flick). Bexley hall is different. According to noted anarchist thinker Rudolph Rocker, Bexley Hall is a ... oddly prescient example of what the future anarcho-syndicalist living situation should resemble... truly a place where the calcified rotten husk of formalist government has been upended, pulped, and made into rolling papers for the smoking of intoxicating plants.
Bexley Hall was first to understand that government by people (or even robots) was inefficient and error prone. People tend to be afflicted with 'principles' and 'morality', they are also subject to 'reality'. Bexley was the first institution to institute a de-facto illusory governing construct, pre-dating Foucault's deconstructionist theories by some two decades.
As the case of Ronald Reagan amply demonstrates, in this age of mass-media, people do not want and cannot tolerate being ruled by humans. They want to be ruled by myths. Mythological rulers are more appealing, more effective, and ultimately more cost effective for all. They transcend the straightjackets of 'objectivity', 'consistency', 'honesty', and 'ethics' that hampered previous non-constructed leaders. Actual politics is quite boring and will not satisfy the current generations of television and internet-saturated entertainment consumers. Expecting these consumers to have any working knowledge of history (or even the present) that will allow them to differentiate 'fact' from 'fantasy' is far too much to ask. Anything with a semantic content more sophisticated than People Magazine is difficult and disturbing for the average American.
In the year 1920, Bexley-based political scientists experimented with the 'construct' idea. It was considered absurd, irresponsible, and nihilistic -- because it was, and the creators said so themselves. They suspended research in 1941 to work on Radar, and were hired again by HUAC in the early 1950's. Their stunning success was noted in governmental circles and a project was inaugurated to unify the powers of Hollywood and Washington to create a cross-national axis of delusion.
The Bexleyites called this elaborate, highly-funded secret operation PROJECT REAGAN. Through a miracle of public relations firm moxie and animatronic genius, the Reagan-bot broke down the barriers between fantasy and reality in a masculine fashion.
By 1980 the transfer to a completely fantasy-based system of political economy was complete when Ronald Reagan was elected President of the United States. The purposely fantastical and delusional actions of the government caused the fall of the Soviet Union when the Russian government realized they could not compete with the sheer entertainment power of the United States. The United States' systematic program of voluntary, incentive-based stupidification was far more successful than the Soviet Union's program of forced, involuntary stupidification.
Racing to catch up, Gorbachev implemented Perestroika and Glastnost to try and compete, but by the end of the decade America's PROJECT YELTSIN seized power and implemented a foreign style delusion-based system of political economy, creating a fantastic narrative where the President was a drunken buffoon who fired one Prime Minister after another, suspended democracy on multiple occasions by dismissing the Duma, and even sent forth tanks to fire on the nation's highest legislative body. An interesting side-note was the creation of the Cheap Vodka Party, a short-lived group of politicians who were promising and, based on the absurdity of their premise, capable of seizing power over the world's largest country; until they were upended by the fantastically funny and fanatical Vladimir Zhironovsky, who threatened to take back Alaska from the United States if elected. Cheap vodka is one thing, but promising frivolous war on a nuclear power is clearly the trump card of balderdash.
Poorly built rocket busEdit
Poorly Built Rocket Bus are pioneers of eggplant core and consist of Jamster (on bass and programming) and Telemechanicomnicon (on 'vocals').
Most of the songs are formed in twenty minute periods where one member yells out a sentence and a rhyme is thought up later to form a couplet. Most of the basslines are 'all over the place' and are based around a skip rhythm, which gives a 'skip' feel of leading into the next part of the song.
Their lyrical themes are ghosts, monsters, fish, sea monsters and all kinds of waterfowl.
This is a quote from their song "Improbable Love Story", which was started when Jamster said "He was a spooky ghost" to which Telemechanicomnicon answered "She was a piece of toast!"
A doctor or a plumber is the one that you betroth. In fact, just marry Mario because I hear he's both."
The band plans to write a full length opera chronicling the life of Voltar, who slays a car made up to look like a dragon, which proceeds to drive off the stage in defeat.
List of People in St. PetersburgEdit
- I know it's wrong to make fun of people who probably don't have English as their first language, but the first paragraph of this article was priceless:
This is a list of famous people who have lived in St. Petersburg. Please add new people and add since when until when they have been lived in St. Petersburg to.
- I believe this line was added by someone living in Moscow :-)
- 'welcome to transalvania. i'm a sweet transvestite, from transalvania.dont eat pork on the weekends. pork is good with salt. indonesia is cool.
ZXCV is a combination of the first four left-hand keys on the bottom row of a standard QWERTY-style keyboard. They are very beautiful letters, and should be considered carefully before being abused.
These letters have been known to cause men to fall in love with them, carefully prying each key clean of the keyboard and gently washing it with soap, so as to keep them sparkling clean. It is easy to spot men who have succumbed to the beauty of the ZXCV keys -- those keys will be shinier than all the rest.
Several attempts have been made to declare May 27th 'National ZXCV Day', but for the most part, these efforts have consisted of a few errant emails to House Representatives, and were not successful.
Saying "Hastur, hastur, hastur!" is a fun and harmless activity. However, Wikipedia bears no responsibility for any damage summoning ancient beings may cause.
The two sentences were by two different and of course anonymous authors.
Zhen Ji was daughter to Cao Cao and Yuan Shao. First, she was wife to Yuan Xi,but in battle Cao Pi found her and made her his wife. Later people say that Yuan Xi's head was chopped off by Cao Cao. She became empress of Wei. These are the words Cao Pi said when he found her "Ah... such a pretty flower to be found on the battlefield.Come with me." People say that she was in love with Cao Pi's brother Cao Zhi.When she died he dreamed that she was at the river Luo and wrote a poem about it.Due to this poem, she was identified the Goddess Of The River Luo.
And I thought soap operas were hard to follow!
- Indeed, the people in Three Kingdoms are hard to follow if the readers are not Chinese.
The late, lamented Template:SucksEdit
|This article sucks and is in need of attention. Please improve it in any way you see fit.|
A message on User talk:SmoddyEdit
Hello! You're only 16 that is really, really sad. --126.96.36.199 23:21, 29 Mar 2005 (UTC)
- Oh when the saints go marching in your mom is making me dinner for our plans tonight(wink wink)she is a hooty wooty with a nice booty if you know what i mean. The space ship is made up of many different kinds of plants grown from mushirooms directly from Gananda. Boy oh boy, something really smells.
All I can say is... WTF?!! --Kitch 16:24, 30 Mar 2005 (UTC)
See this diff.
The Baladanalingling is a long saught after and high prized item by many of the gods from the southern realm of Glindaflogeronland. Once being in posession of the mighty King Jesusunablish (Pronounced "Pee-ter"), it was lost in the 32 year war between Ikholaponitataland and Delapirdinactol. The rare sword is known to be the only proof that Jesusunablish had faught in the Ikholaponitataland-Delapirdinactol war.
Following the loss of Baladanalingling, the northern realm of Glindaflogeronland, Reinwodolnokt, fell into turmoil over reclaiming the throne left open by King Jesusunablish's death. The struggle lasted for 3 years until the ruler was decided: Killikatakanta, a young begger from the slums of a local ghetto. Growing up in the less fortunate regions of Reinwodolnokt, the boy returned political power to the true people of the city, and reduced the power of the Ghalkinabald, or the nobles of Reinwodolnokt.
After being found on a conquest by Killikatakanta, it was used in a way that could truly display its power and show the public its true beauty: theatre. During one of the stage show however, an ex-assassin from the Ikholaponitataland-Delapirdinactol war, killed the actor and stole the sword. Though it is quite large (7 foot blade weighing in at 20 kilos), it has been well hidden for centuries and nobody has yet to find and recover the legendary blade. Some speculation states that the ex-assassin was Jesusunablish's distant brother, Yemobvekt, hoping to reclaim his brother's throne. Lisa-Marie Presleykantakt was briefly married to Yemobvekt.
From C is for CookieEdit
C is for Cookie can be regarded as a case study in persuasive oratory, emphasizing the emotional aspect of public speaking. Cookie Monster builds excitement by answering his opening rhetorical question, "Now what starts with the letter C?" with the obvious reply, "Cookie starts with C!" He then challenges the audience, "Let's think of other things that starts with C," before quickly replying, "Oh, who cares about the other things?" casually dismissing a whole range of other possibilities as irrelevant. Thus, having ostensibly come for the purpose of covering the letter C in its entirety, Cookie Monster has already focused his agenda exclusively on cookies, employing the classic bait and switch tactic.
Several times in his presentation, Cookie Monster emphasizes what appears to be the central thesis of his remarks: "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me!" The appealing rhythm of this slogan appears designed to entrance listeners, swaying their emotions and making them instinctively want to chant along with him. After rousing the crowd, Cookie Monster systematically lays out the logical underpinnings of his pro-cookie ideology, comparing cookies to round donuts with one bite out of them and to the moon during its crescent phase, in essence using a straw man argument that implies his opponents would advocate the superiority of these competitors over cookies. In this sense, Cookie Monster may be proposing a false dichotomy representing cookies as the only viable choice to a group of obviously inferior alternatives.
But before the audience has a chance to catch on, Cookie Monster launches into another round of repetitive chanting, "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me, yeah!" as young children sing along. Here, Cookie Monster uses a propaganda technique strikingly similar to that employed in George Orwell's Animal Farm by the pig Napoleon, who trained the farm's sheep to bleat, "Four legs good, two legs bad" on his cue.
Cookie Monster then adds visual stimulation to his discourse by chomping into a large cookie, concluding his remarks with "Umm-umm-umm-umm-umm" and other chewing sounds.
The REAL reason Anakin Skywalker doesn't die with the rest of the JediEdit
"Every SINGLE Jedi is now an enemy of the Republic." Darth Sidious, Episode III trailer
Anakin is not single, he's married.
Featured on the Main Page for the start of April Fool's 2005, it gains a Leonardo da Vinci sketch from his initial blueprints for the flush toilet, and references from New York City and Madrid Library researchers, before giving way to the regularly scheduled (and peacefully prosaic) Nintendo Entertainment System.
"The toilet paper holder has been an important facet of European bathroom design since antiquity. Distinctly European in origin, it has been a part of Western culture since its invention in the mists of pre-history. The symbolism and design of these fixtures has changed over the centuries, but they continue to occupy a central place in bathroom layout as well as in the emergent construction of a specifically European identity." ...
"John Paul II, like most Poles was an excellent bowler. It is believed he is the only pontiff to ever have a 300 game."
Comment: Actually I've heard he was a rather good soccer goalie back in the day. 188.8.131.52 00:29, 15 May 2006 (UTC)
From Jiggly puffEdit
Jiggly Puff (Not to be confused with the inferior Pokemon “jigglypuff”): A Tale Seldom ToldEdit
Many parts of Northern Europe are notorious for their famines. The most well known today is the severe potato scarcity experienced in Ireland in the middle of the 19th century. In the 14th century on the outskirts of Iceland there was a severe dearth of cotton candy. Kids across the countryside cried (in unison at 5:00 PM each night) for the sweet, pink loafs of sugar large enough to engulf their faces and swallow their teeth.
Accounts vary, but somewhere between 1370 and 1390 the children's cries were satisfied when there erupted from a geyser (for which Iceland is known) an enormous, bum-shatteringly big blue-eyed pink monster Hardly a monster, though. It's sides were edible and renewable, but like all good things it had its flaws. The wavy, curls of happiness it wore as fur would turn to barbed wire at night. When the deprived, young Icelanders would escape their homes at night, they were met by not by the cotton candy "Jiggly Puff" (as she came to be known [from Icelandic Gig-lee meaning of God and pahf, or enormous fart] but by the modern equivalent of a walking high security prison guarded with Nazis, bayonets, and some scientist/historians speculate as many as some 6 gazillion volts of electricity.
The story goes that the bait-and-switching bazooka-sized banshee was finally assassinated one day when a roaming group of preteens decided to devour her entirely. They spent all day masticating her massive frame, but as the sun fell, her saccharide spirals morphed into killer coils that zapped and zipped the kids to shreds. So the townspeople basically killed it, with the first A-bomb ever.
Jiggly Puff may have died that day in actuality, but her bittersweet tale lives on through in each boy and girl with a sweet tooth and sharp metal jutting out of their guts.
From Black DeathEdit
However, in 1666, gigantic toads besieged London. "They were terribly However, in 1666, gigantic toads besieged London. "They were terribly fierce beasts, who eat our hapless soldiers with their gigantic tongues." In terror, the inhabitants fled to the town hall, and bombarded the invading hordes with cannons and mortars. Eventually, the mayor of London sallied out with a formidable force and routed the frog army. Despite heavy casualties, they were successful. But if plague, fire and frogs wasn't enough, ten years later London was struck by a succession of tornadoes, that sweeped down from the Shetland Islands. The event was blamed on the carnies, who were subsequently driven out of town. However, bands of militant snowmen allied with the exiled carnies and attacked the city in 1679. After several fierce running battles, the Londoners were driven out. But David Beckham became their saviour and just three years after the carnies' victory, he led a force of Ewoks riding spiders that invaded the city. The carnies were defeated and slaughtered to a man, though the snowmen escaped. They would continue to harass Beckham's empire late into the 19th century.
After this violent civil war, relative peace reigned in Britain. Or did it...
The Secret Commonwealth of Elves Fauns and FaeriesEdit
The Secret Commonwealth of Elves Fauns and Faeries is an underground secret society composed of supernatural creatures such as elves, faeries, demons, spirits, aliens and many more supernatural creatures. The Commonwealth has existed for over 5,000 years and has inhabited the lands of Mesopotamia, Britain, France and even the Americas. For 5,000 years they have been living under mushrooms, shrubs, caves and trees rarley seen by humans.
Creatures of the CommonwealthEdit
The Commonwealth exists in many places such as Arabia, Britain and France. Each area that the Commonwealth inhabits has is it's own set of supernatural creatures. West Europe is home to elves, faeries, gnomes and spirits of the air. In Eastern Europe, in Russia and Ukraine there are also elves, gnomes and faeries and sylphs. In the Middle East exists a wide variety of creatures found in ancient Arabian folklore and in the Bible such as fallen angels, demons, the jinn and the genni. In the Americas UFO Chupacabra and Bigfoot can be found. Most of these creatures (Specialy elves, gnomes, faeries and grey aliens) are said to have an angel like nature when seen. They are seen Physicaly with fluid like bodies and sometmes bathed in a strange white light. They also have chameleon like bodies that allow them to swim through the air. Intellectualy these creatures are like most humans, smart and curious.
History and SocietyEdit
Before humans inhabited the Earth, the creatures of the Commonwealth were said to be part of a prosperous civilization with its own agriculture and social structure. They were said to harvest magical fruits such as magic beans and ambrosia from their farms. They are divided into tribes and have marriages, burials, holidays and etc, but they only do this to mock human society. Their social structure is very similar to Medieval Society, they follow Feudalism and have dukes, barons and peasants. The Commonwealth is governed by a hierachy of leaders composed of tribal chieftains. They have no visible devotion to God or any other spiritual deity. Their language is a complex system of whistle like sounds not coming from their mouths but from somewhere in their bodies. They only speak through their mouths when speaking to humans. When speaking to humans they commonly use the local dialect with a strange accent. They also have an advanced literary system. Like humans they have a wide range of books, ranging from plesant books to complicated ones.
Maurice Masse is a man who had a direct experience with these strange entities. For several mornings in 1965, Maurice Masse living in the small town of Valensole in the French Alpes, found that of his garden had been 'tampered with', by someone. Around dawn on July 1st, as Masse was standing near a hill at the end of a field, he heard a strange whistle like sound. There was a French atomic base in Vaucluse, and as the military often carried out military exercises in the vicinity, Masse looked around the area and expected to see a military chopper. Instead to his surprise he saw a machine, shaped like a football and about the size of a small car, standing on six legs in the middle of the field.
Masse saw what he tought was 'two young boys of about eight years old' coming out from the strange machine and began to steal more from his garden. Furious and determined to catch them, Masse, a former Maquis soldier, tried to sneak up on the boys. When he was only a short distance from the two boys he realized they were not young eight year old boys, but strange little creatures with pointed ears, almond like eyes that curved along the sides of their foreheads, and holes in place of their mouths. Later he described their heads to be like pumpkin heads. They had no mouths or voices but they communicated by grumbling sounds that came from their bodies.
Masse got cover and rushed to them. When he was not about five meters away, one of the strange creatures pointed a stick like instrument at him and found himself frozen. He was conscious but frozen in his tracks. The other strange creature carried a much larger stick like instrument which, Masse later speculated, could have stopped an entire army.
Masse that these strange beings were about four feet tall and wore a tight grayish greenish suite, and went climbing up a strange ladder of light....and the spacecraft took of to a height of about 20 meters. Then it vanished without a trace.
The strange stick like instrument that Masse encountered was indeed strange. This instrument or "Magic Wand" can be found in many paranormal encounters, from being used by witches and goblins to modern day alien abduction stories. These instruments have the ability to do many things such as freezing someone. Nobody knows what it really is.
- But hang on, this isn't a joke; the Ikea catalogue really is that popular,  or thereabouts.-Ashley Pomeroy 17:34, 12 Apr 2005 (UTC)
- That's true. This wasn't a joke. Klosterdev 23:50, 26 February 2006 (UTC)
Vandalism by 184.108.40.206 which is faintly amusing:
- This just in! (sorry to interupt the other guy but-)Scientists in at least 15 counties across 5 continents all have come to the conclusion that Ireland is stupid. It is a place of Scorn and rambunctiousness. The culture, being an atrocious mix of British failures and Nazi outcasts. Good Job. Recent pH tests have proven that Irish culture has seeped into the rocky soil of the islands and the land will now be barren-or at least useless- for another hundred and fifty years after the last of the irish culture dies out. It will take that long for a beneficial culture to regain culture of this abysmal failure. jeez. Kinetic and Potential energies tests have been executed and have concluded and are eluding to the existence of Medbh McGuckian being the being that will bring physics crumbling to the ground. Irish scientists have been working on a new kind of microbrew, and in the process broke gravity. Now things in ireland fall up. In a misinformed attempt to split the atom gone awry Irish "scientists" ended up cutting a guy named adam in half. This is because they cannot speak english properly. They are more incomprehensible than the scots. Come on guys.
Wikipedia is not foodEdit
- Though many articles on Wikipedia are certainly delicious in many people eyes, the encyclopedia is certainly not edible. Attempting to print out articles and eat them is not recommended, and may be hazardous to your health.
Superlove-A powerful tool used to zap occurences of hatred, heal unhealthy bodies and bring simple love to any average soul. The ability to harness the power of Superlove and pay it forward lies in all but it first must be believed in faithfully.
From Vin DieselEdit
- He was the original drummer for the Bay City Rollers.
- He owns the world's largest collection of empty soup cans, which he stores in a subterranean warehouse in southeastern Nebraska.
- He was the first man to ever successfully bowl a perfect game using only his MIND POWERS.
- He starts his day by arguing with a bowl of green apples.
- He invented Dutch Process Cocoa.
- He eats his weight in alfalfa every day.
- Saying the words "MOLAKUM, VORADEUS, GLORKANO!" will turn his skin bright green for 20 minutes. You can do this up to 6 times a day.
- Vin Diesel once had a bolt-throwing contest against Zeus. It ended in a tie.
- When Vin Diesel is sad, magical puppies appear to cheer him up.
- He's one third black, half Mexican, and nine-fifths Cuban.
- Vin Diesel stutters the word "frog" in normal speech, but he can sing it just fine.
- Vin Diesel claims to have been Teddy Roosevelt in a past life. Not the former President Teddy Roosevelt, the Kansas City dry goods merchant Teddy Roosevelt. He claims the name is just a coincidence.
- " His biological father was African American and his mother is of Irish, Scottish, and Italian heritage. He has never known his biological father, although he is believed to run a van dealership specialising in diesel vehicles."
- From the article weird dreams. Just try to read all this in one go.
Dreams that are weird, what do they mean? I had a dream since I was very young, it was about, this might sound weird as the title explains, of purple aliens and I was one of them I dreamt of the edventures and I had a twin. I was light purple skinned and with sparkles on my skin I don't know why but I knew what it ment it was a symbol of royalty I was a princess of a planet far away named Tooru and my name was Sessoniay Lovela and my sister's anme was Seriena Lovela, And my hair was dark violet with hot neon pink stripes and red and golden striped tips and the only difference between my sister is that she had hto neon pink hair with dark violet hair and red and gold striped tips, you could hardly tell and we had golden (actuall peices) stars in our hair that when you brush the hair it would just look like desighns in the hair and turn normal when not brushing the hair. And we also had eyes that glowed and that had the color of gradients from dark purple egdes and red center and right near the puple was the red going rapuidly into a glow of yellow. We also had symbols, like tatoos but marks, that were of demonds and would give us strong power. We could use magic as witches but were not evil and we took many fors and were of many races of aliens but were only one which all of the Tooruians did but we were the most powerful (p.s. I don't really have a sister). And we visited many planets and I saw so many people die that I cared of in my hands but the thing is is that I never in my life actually saw anyone die yet I knew the horror and pian and the dead look on the once bright faces that held so much life inside, and I new how their last breath looked as they drew un the last breath and let it out slowly and painfully tears swelling their glowing eyes and saw the soul littiraly leave them and pain streak the skin and the burning tears fell on their smooth now pail skin. And in my dreams I to, as Sessoniay, died and felt that horrid numb feeling of death many times, though I obviously never died. And I new the truth and happyness of love of a soulmate of a man and woman together though I was young at my true nondream age, as I dreamed through years I would see myself as Sessoniay seeing flash backs into a passed I knew yet didn't felt like was my own true one yet obviously not I truly was yuong to see my self in a passed at the age I really was, as Sessonaiy I was 16 to 20 and still now continue to have thoughs dreams that seem so much, oddly, like memmories. There in my dreams as Sessoniay I had such an understanding for life and its truths even after I awoken. Yes draems can be weird I just think I will never know what mine ment and means, but as I age still I hope to find out! If you wish to contact me on this and maybe tell me of your dreams you can e-mail me at (address deleted - Ed.)!!
Dagny Taggart is getting really pissed off at Rearden. As she slides on her cowboy boots and loads her six-shooter, she ponders what she can do to get back at that dirty bastard for lying to her. No one has ever refused her womanly charms... except for that one time when she ran out of amphetamines and started getting fat she had to pay one of the railroad workers to satisfy her womanly needs.
Dagny stands staring out the window of her New York apartment, coughing and wheezing while puffing her cigarette. The Marxists, the damn Marxists, she thinks. They hunted her down in Russia and now they were after her again in the United States. But she is strong. She can defeat them.
She considers her options. She thinks: I could go down to the Saloon and hire some Injuns to go rough Rearden up. He would see things a bit differently after his jaw is broken and his beautiful face is permanently scarred. Yes, an excellent plan indeed. She saddles up her horse and heads off towards the saloon.
"I need more poison, I'm concerned that he may be realizing what I'm doing to him," she says.
The man frowns and says "Damned capitalists! I'll order up another batch from the Politburo. After he swallows this he'll never disobey us again!"
Lillian swoons and falls into Karl's arms. He smiles and brushes her hair back from her face. "I love you, Lillian." he says. She opens her eyes and whispers, "Have you seen the hammer and sickle tattoo on my thigh?"
Dagny's apartment in New York and the Union Headquarters in Philadelphia.
The predictions are that the Antichrist will be
- a global leader
- appear to die but then rise up in 3 days just as Christ did
- be universally loved
- start a world wide global church
- do miracles
- claim to be god
- commit an abomination upon the temple / church
(see above rising / resurrection mimmicking Christ is just such a possible abomination as he is Satan not Christ rising up)
- has mark "666" on forehead
- List of AntiChrists (no particular order of likelihood)
- George W Bush US Presidents "morphs" to be the AntiChrist
- Dr Condi Rice has mark on forehead
- Kofi Annan heads United Nations globally
- Pope John Paul II , if rising from dead,leader of global church
- Next Pope, leader of global church
- Hidden Iman, global leader of Muslims, on earth but presently hidden
- Hillary Clinton, rules globally via backdrop of Bill Clinton advising
- Karl Rove, steps forward to rule globally instead of his puppet GW Bush
- Javier Solana, head of the European Union
- Saddam Hussein, former president of Iraq emerges from prison to rule
The Dust Bowl vs. the Super Bowl?Edit
This image is copyrighted. The copyright holder allows anyone to use it for any purpose, provided that the one using it sells his (or her) soul to the devil.
Some pathological states include:
* prolapse of the uterus * carcinoma of the cervix - malignant neoplasm * carcinoma of the uterus - malignant neoplasm * ectopic pregnancy * fibroids - benign neoplasms * Angry Uterus Syndrome - uterus becomes hostile towards host body
This is the Zodiac Speaking.
makes everyone listen - (unsigned)
So does farting in a bathtub, with considerably less harm to society. - Nunh-huh 07:35, 5 Jul 2004 (UTC)
Japan was not even in World War 1. They sat at home watching A-TEAM from the 80's. That's the good life for ya'!