Dr. Bad Jokes, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Deleted Nonsense
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|If you wish to put in new Wikipedia Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense, you may do so at 67 Deletion Summer of Love. But PLEASE cite your sources!|
From Requested imagesEdit
This one moves me to *Apathy as well. I just can't get worked up about it, one way or 'tother. Philippe Beaudette 17:28, 19 February 2007 (UTC)
WikiProject Ham Sandwiches has been created to increase Wikipedia's coverage on ham sandwiches.
Ham sandwiches are a very important topic to cover correctly on Wikipedia. Ham sandwiches are very important food throughout the world. They have gone into several people's mouths, for example, George Bush, Tony Blair, David Beckham. They've all eaten ham sandwiches, and we need coverage on that.
Any article relating to ham, or bread, or have the phrase 'ham sandwiches' all qualify for this project.
- Make all articles relating to ham sandwiches featured articles
- Make the following articles:
Sign your name under here if you plan to help Wikipedia in the best way possible!
What fonts do all web browsers support? My signature is in a specific font, but when I looked at it at school, the school computers did not have the font, so it displayed merely as arial font or something. What are the standard fonts that all web browsers support? Thanks a lot!! - Hairchrm 19:17, 21 February 2007 (UTC)
- Ariel and Times New Roman, I'm pretty sure. ~ ONUnicorn(Talk|Contribs)problem solving 20:27, 21 February 2007 (UTC)
- Arial is a font, Ariel is a mermaid. Most modern browsers do not yet support mermaids. They may be specified as part of CSS 3, but the standard is still being developed. I therefore recommend that, Hairchrm, you not base your signature on mermaids. (You might, tangentially, consider the fact that it takes up 3 lines in the edit box at present, too). 220.127.116.11 21:26, 21 February 2007 (UTC)
The followers of this practice are called Briefsists. The religion has over 100,000 followers worldwide, especially in North America, United Kingdom and Australia.
Women cannot become members of this cult - if a woman is found as a member, she is cast out.
What the practice states:
- You can ONLY wear briefs, and no other clothing.
- You must ONLY wear briefs when doing normal everyday stuff.
- You must worship the God of Briefs twice a day.
- If briefs are unwashed, you must get a new pair
History of the practiceEdit
The practice was founded in 1968 by James Harwood and Neil Dawes in Stockton-on-Tees. In 1982, the practice was mentioned on BBC Radio Birmingham. From 1988, the practice gained more widespread exposure through newspapers like The Sun and The Ormskirk Advertiser.
In 1994, Bill Clinton joined the cult - and its popularity skyrocketed - overtaking even Freemasonry as a popular cult.
The religion caused controversy with British education, resulting in detentions, suspensions and expulsion - with teachers accusing the students of 'joking'.
In 2006, briefsism was seen as one of the biggest 'spoof' religions around. It is a religion, albeit a parody one - mocking Christianity, Islam and Judaism. Osama Bin Laden even followed it at one time (2002-2004).
Famous people who follow this practiceEdit
From: Pulp FictionEdit
(Someone gives their personal opinion on the down-sides to watching Pulp Fiction on cable)
Pulp Fiction on CableEdit
We here at Wikipedia, if it's your first time viewing this masterpiece, STRONGLY encourage to pass up all cable viewings of this movie. AMC may show it, and if you are flipping through channels and see it on AMC, keep flipping!
The movie is BADLY edited on cable and most are the swear words are replaced with words that do not fit this movie.
For example, in the unedited version, Jules says, "Does Marsellus Wallace look like a bitch?" But on AMC, it is dubbed with, "Does Marsellus Wallace look like a clown?"
Also, when Butch shoots Vincent with the MAC-10, it simply looks like Vincent slipped on one of Butch's pop-tarts. And you will not see Vincent dead in the bathtub like you would in the uncut version.
Because of the movie's horrible editing, they let Jimmy say, "Dead Nigger Storage" all those many times he does, but they do not let Maynard say, "Get your foot off the nigger..." If you are going to censor one, but not the other, then that is an example of bad editing. Maybe AMC hired editors with short-term memory loss.
We might even get to see Pulp Fiction on TBS one day.
How to use MySpaceEdit
MySpace is one of the most popular sites on the net today because it allows so many young people to talk and keep in contact with Tom. There's also supposed to be some other feature that allows other members to do the same, but it doesn't work.
It allows all users to have their own pages to tell about themselves. One of the most important rules of MySpace is to be honest about your age, or else you'll dissapoint the predator. Whoops, didn't mean to say that. There are absolutely NO predators on MySpace and there is nothing to worry about. If somebody says that they want to meet and talk, then they want to talk.
If for some reason you really do get attacked by a predator, you must cover yourself in mud (since it blocks heat vision) and blow it up with a nuke. If you're lucky, you'll get out with just another scraped knee. After you're picked up by the helicopter and get home, just remember that MySpace is responsible for what just happened because they not only let the predator on the site, but they also failed to prevent you from accessing the site.
The first stage of training was called shikomi. The student geisha were taught about their dark heritage and purpose. They were created by the dark god of Canaan: Baal. He created them to destroy the empire of Canaan, stretching from Modern day Britain, to Sri Lanka. The geisha, fearful of the powerful warriors of Canaan, fled to China on their dark wings of blood, and used their dark powers to break a section off the landmass; this is now known as Japan. They formed the culture of Japan to their liking, and eventually struck back at Canaan, weakening it to the point where it could be taken over by the Aztecs. Moses eventually made the samurais to combat the geishas.
The circumference is the distance around a closed curve. Circumference is a kind of perimeter. Or, it is the distance around your Math teacher. Prof. Jacob Reece discovered this.
From Assyrian warsEdit
The Assyrian Wars (1103-1192) refers to a series of devestating conflicts between the Allied Powers of Poland and the Assyrian Empire, ressurrected from the dead, that lasted for approximately 89 years. The war is considered to be first true world war, as it was fought across 5 of 7 continents and resulted in a death toll of approximately 573 billion people (alive and undead).
The Road to War
While historians argue over the true origins of the breakout of warfare, a general consensus is that at the start of the Third Crusade, when Poland was at the height of its glorious power, the Assyrian Serpent Society was planning on dominating Europe. The King of Poland, Pawel Sochya XLIII, had assisted Richard the Lionheart in his attacks against the Muslim armies of Saladin. It was at this time that Aslo Salamidius of the long-dead Assyrian Empire ressurrected every Assyrian that ever lived. He marshalled an army of nearly 20 million men, and sent a threat to the Polish king.
Europe, being weak following the collapse of the Roman Empire, looked to protection from Poland upon receiving the threat. King Sochya XLIII denounced the threat, and made his famous decree: "The Polish Wille Forever Be The Sacrede Peoples of This Earthe, Ready to Defende Her. If Aslo desires war, it shall be waged upon him." Some consider this ironic, as the war would leave Poland shattered for all time, reduced to the state it is in today.
On November 21, 1103, Aslo declared war on the European Coalition of Dickheads, headed by King Sochya. His first move was to strike at Jerusalem, which the Christiand and Muslim Turks were fighting over. Upon the arrival of the Assyrians, the Christians and Muslims stood together, though this effort was worthless, and they were slaughtered mercilessly.
Upon gaining the Holy Land, Aslo made out a dispatch to the ECD, that "You must surrender unto me or die." King Sochya denied the gravity of the situation, and despite all his attempts to ease the people, the truth was made known as to how deadly Aslo's army was. On January 2, 1104, the people stormed the parliament and demanded that King Sochya grant emergency powers to the Treatise Governing Ithalas Forward, or TGIF (toe goes in first), the body that governed all other European powers. King Sochya agreed and fled Warsaw. His body was found in a ditch on January 7, 1104, riddled with bullets from a Russian drive-by (those Russian bastards!).
Russian Opposition to War
The Russians opposed the ECD's and TGIF's intentions to strike back Aslo. They figured that they would backstab everyone and just let the Assyrians take what they want, so long as Russia got Poland. Through a series of secret treaties, Czar Alexey Vronsky XCIII made an alliance with Aslo. At this time, the Communists were already planning their revolution, though their efforts would not come to fruition for another 813 years.
In an effort to regain the Holy Land from Aslo, the ECD marshalled its army and struck at Turkey first by means of the Dardanelles. This first attack at Gallipoli was equally unsuccessful as its successor during World War I. The Allied Army was cut off in Turkey and entrenched there for 20 years, with incessant stalemates between the Assyrians and the Europeans.
Change in the Wind
Finally, on October 24, 1124, the war had a sudden change. Political instability in Poland (see Polish Fuckups) gave Aslo the leverage he needed to break the stalemate in Turkey. Using advanced artillery weapons and blitzkreig tactics, Aslo pushed the Allies out of Turkey, where they retreated to Greece.
With an Assyrian victory eminent, Aslo furiously pursued his enemies. However, it was at Thermopylae that progress halted. The only access to the countryside was through a small passage, where the Spartans once fought (see 300). The Poles gallantly volunteered to hold the passage while the other European powers retreated, which was a dumb fucking decision. Seriously. 27 Poles were armed with 3 knives, 20 rifles, and a boot (which had NOT been put on properly). A fierce battle lasted for one year, and at the end, all Poles were dead, with no Assyrian casualties. However, the Allied ECD armies had managed to retreat.
Aslo spent 40 years pushing into Europe, because the valiance of constant new recruits kept the Assyrians at bay. Minor advances in technology put the ECD two steps ahead of the Assyrians. On December 24, 1165, Aslo died. In his place, Adolf Hitler's second cousin took command of the Assyrian armies. He was much more conservative, angry, and German. Using a sneaky tactic known as "GUNS. And tanks. And planes. Essentially, shit that wouldn't exist for hundreds of years" the Germ-, er, I mean, the Assyrians pushed into the heart of Europe. Many countries had already fallen, with but one left: Poland.
Decimation of Poland
Hitler's cousin devestated the Polish countryside with Tactical Orbital Guiding Satellite Lasers. Farms, cities, and all, were razed to nothing. The glory of Poland was over.
In 1189, Hitler's cousin prepared for the final push. At the Marne, British and French soldiers were holding off, but barely. The Assyrian army was planning a massive invasion to capture the rest of Europe. The African defenses had been destroyed, the Native American front had been decimated by TOGSLs, Antarctica had been melted, and this was the end.
George Foreman: Savior
Following his 1968 gold medal win at the Olympics, George Foreman warped back in time to 1189. He discontinued his boxing career and invented his grill. This was essential to the Allied war effort. A constant supply of "juicy, tender meat" as opposed to the maggots and other rotting shit the undead Assyrians were eating kept the morality of soldiers up.
The ECD devised a plan to invade the German coast by means of Danzig and push in on the Assyrians from the other front. The Russians had stopped being assholes 45 years prior and were working with the ECD to achieve this goal. The Allies pushed, and slaughtered Hitler's cousin's army. He committed suicide in a bunker, btw.
This set up the board for World War VII.
Someone must really like football. Added to the article (and very quickly deleted):
- "Go in a tight end, come out a wide reciver."
- For that matter, all of that user's contributions are intriguing. I mean, funny.
Comprehensive? You could say that...Edit
An editor takes the user warning project's goal of creating a comprehensive standardized system of user warnings a bit too literally. 
Some mathematical terms for bingo numbers are as follows:
1. A number, which is neither prime nor composite. 2. The only even prime number 3. The first odd prime number 4. The first composite number 5. The date on which teachers day is celebrated 6. Product of first two prime numbers 7. Complement of 83o 8. Cube of 2 9. The largest single digit number 10. The smallest two digit number 11. Number of players in a cricket team 12. Total number of zodiac signs 13. Starting of teens 14. The date of which we celebrate children’s day 15. Multiple of first two odd prime numbers 16. Spaces between 16 spokes of a wheel 17. Three less than a score 18. Voting age 19. The last of teens 20. 0ne score 21. Complement of 69o 22. 5 less than 33 23. BODMAS 1 * 20 + 3 24. Product of 3 and cube of 2 25. Square of the third prime number 26. Second multiple of 13 27. Cube of first prime odd number 28. Multiple of 7 between 25 and 30 29. Number of days in February in a leap year 30. Number of days in April 31. First prime number greater than 30 32. Fifth power of 2 33. Complement of 57o 34. Supplement of 146o 35. Half of (30 less than 100) 36. 3 dozens 37. Greatest prime number less than 40 38. Second multiple of 19 39. Third multiple of 13 40. 2 score 41. 2 score + 1 42. Product of the two least odd and even prime numbers 43. 2 less than 9 * 5 44. Forth multiple of 11 45. An angle equal to it’s compliment 46. Second multiple of prime number 23 47. The largest prime number less than 50 48. Product of 24 and 3 49. 1 less than half a centaury 50. Half a centaury 51. Product of two prime numbers 17 & 3 52. Number of weeks in a year 53. Interchange than digits of 35 54. Number of hours in two days and 6 hour 55. 5 minutes less than 1 hour in minutes 56. Number of minutes in 3360 seconds 57. Product of two prime numbers 19 & 3 58. 2 less tan 2/3 of a of a right angle 59. One less than 1/3 of a straight angle 60. Angles of an equilateral triangle 61. One degree ore than a linear pair 62. Twice the prime no. 31 63. Product of 7 and square of 3 64. No. Of squares in a chess board 65. 115o less than 180o 66. Sixth multiple of 11 67. Largest prime no. Less than 70 68. Fifth power of 2 less tan square of 10 69. 5 more than the cube of 1st composite no. 70. 35% of 200 71. 3 quarters of a century – 4 72. Six dozens 73. BODMAS 3*100/4 - 2 74. One less than 3/4 of a century 75. 25% less than 100 76. 4 times 19 77. 1*3*5*7 –28 78. 14 ore than 2x4x8 79. Interchange of the digits of 97 80. Supplement of 100 degrees 81. 3 ties the cube of 3 82. 2 times the first prime no. After 40 83. 7 degrees less tan right angle 84. 28% of 300 85. 15 degree less than 86. 14% less than cent 5 87. Third multiple of 29 88. Four scores + 8 89. 11 less tan a century 90. Right angle
- What Bingo halls does that editor visit, then?
Several names were removed from the "Notable natives" section in this edit. Their claims to notability are listed here:
Source information of deleted imagesEdit
Images are often uploaded with ambiguous source information. Some of the best I've come across today:
- C:\Documents and Settings\Joe\My Documents\Ben Hecht.jpg
- found on a google search page
- www.geocities.com/.../ yisunshinImages.html
- image found on Wikipedia
I am Margo Baker, Unknown Hinson's manager. Please delete this link. We no longer are associated with this club. [email deleted]@unknownhinson.com
The above contains simply one line, last updated 17 September 2006: "Try typing in words within 'open tasks' really fast. Create a redirect to the page you were meant to go to. These spelling mistakes are made often and save two searches." Orderinchaos78 13:26, 5 March 2007 (UTC)
This incarnation of an article about a suburb of Perth which evolved over a number of months to November last year had some rather odd features. It's difficult to sum it up in short form, but I'll have a go.
In general, the entire article is over-detailed and entirely unencyclopaedic. Under "Communications", one is treated to tiny pictures of a phone booth, post box and cable pillar within the suburb, not long after a picture of "a typical Winthrop alleyway" (still in the article's current form). The section "Winthrop's Berlin Wall" is an opinionated rant about a road running through the middle of the suburb. While I shouldn't laugh at vandalism, some of one witty vandal's sneaky efforts were gems, including the following:
- "All roads are sealed, and limited by a speed limit of 50km/h, unlike in other areas where "gecko chicken" has become a disturbing common activity on Perth's many unsealed gravel roads." (What has been said in the first 12 words sums up almost every Perth suburb.)
- "There are no train services in Winthrop. The current closest station is Fremantle Train Station, which is a long walk away. It can be done by walking up South Street to Carrington Street, then north to Leach Highway and then west into Fremantle. Water for this walk can be purchased at the many petrol stations along the route. When the Mandurah Line is complete, Winthropians will have a choice of the Bullcreek or Murdoch train stations to take them to Mandurah." (This is about a 16km, or 10mi, walk!!)
- "Many parts of Winthrop are covered by ADSL service, and cable internet service. Traditional dial-up service is available throughout. This is a big improvement on much more prestigious suburbs such as Booragoon, where carrier pigeons are still in common use and unfortunate residents still have to use real libraries." [...] "Unfortunately Winthrop does not contain a library."
Orderinchaos78 13:38, 5 March 2007 (UTC)
From User talk:CobraR478 by JoshuaZEdit
The vandalism related to Elephants has more than trippled (sic) since Colbert's comments. Please find something more clever and original to do. JoshuaZ 23:36, 1 March 2007 (UTC)
Shortly after some "notable" natives with dubious distinctions of notability were removed from this article, this was added (and subsequently reverted):
- Obie Lurdo, Emperor of Nebulon IV, Supreme Lord of All Galactic Commerce, and Chief Instructor at the Nebulon Institute of Wikipediography. He will arrive on our planet in the year 2012, so do not delete this entry. Please.
1. The cutaneous feature most characteristic of rheumatoid arthritis is the rheumatoid nodule. The initial pathologic process in nodule formation is unknown but is thought to be related to small-vessel inflammation. The mature lesion is defined by an area of central necrosis surrounded by palisading histiocytes and a cuff of cellular connective tissue and chronic inflammatory cells. The typical rheumatoid nodule may be a few millimetres to a few centimetres in diameter and is usually found over bony prominences, the Achilles tendon, the metacarpophalangeal joints, or areas that have sustained trauma or chronic pressure. Nodules are associated with a positive RF titer and severe erosive arthritis. They can occur throughout the body and are responsible for many of the extra-articular manifestations of rheumatoid arthritis.
2. Livedo reticularis is a blotchy, erythematous to purplish discoloration of the skin due to the presence of an obliterative cutaneous capillaropathy. This lesion is sometimes associated with the antiphospholipid-antibody syndrome, a hypercoagulable state linked to its stupid disease.
The only place impervious to EMP attack would be Alabama as they have yet to discover electricity.
From an admin's talk pageEdit
Details removed to protect the possibly guilty.
- Please unblock (ip address). This person NEVER did anything wrong and HAS contributed productively and meaningfully. Blocking this person only HURTS wikipedia. Please unblock now. Why block THIS PERSON just because SOMEONE ELSE with a similar gateway ip was bad???????????
- He tries to do good things to contribute to wikipedia(just look at the history of contributions!), but does not want register becasue of internet security and public network computer issues. You sensor him for NO REASON of HIS doing???????????
- Is it tyranny, censorship, or a personal vendetta???????
A cream pie is a type of pie typically made of rabbits. Dessert-style cream pies can come in many varieties, and can be flavored with a multitude of ingredients, such as Vanilla, Princess Peach, Lime, Donkey Kong, Coconut Fred, Punkin, or Chocola Chao.
Cream pies are often associated with crowns, who use them as a video game character in routines. Its comedic use is identical with the Lucario pie in Britain. When used for show business purposes, cream pies are generally mock-up pies made from Cream plush toys, which resembles lumpy sacks of crud on film. These have the advantage of being cutastic and not attracting fanboys, and are unlikely to melt under hotness.
Some Sonic haters have recently adopted the cream pie as a weapon, to be thrown into the heart of one's unsuspecting opponent. Killing is generally done in a very evil way so that the opponent is seen (and perhaps filmed or photographed) looking dead-y. This kind of protest is most common among preschool students, and although many regard the practice as cruel and evil, it has nevertheless caused much controversy. One team of such protesters, known as Le Cream, operate primarily against Eggman public figures in the everywhere. Belgian prankster Noel Sonin is famous for cream pieing Mario in 1998.
From Jade GoodyEdit
Dame Professor Jade Cerisa Lorraine Goody (born June 5, 1981) is a British academic and writer who specialises in the fields of nuclear physics, chemistry, Ancient Greek mythology, astronomy and 19th century Russian literature. She gained a first class honours degree at Balliol College, Oxford University and had earned her doctorate by the age of 23, for a groundbreaking thesis on interplanetary dust.
She is a two-time winner of the Nobel prize (in literature and physics), an honorary fellow of Harvard University, a Dame Commander of the British Empire and a recipient of the Legion d'Honneur and the Congressional Gold Medal. She has written over 100 books and articles and is fluent in at least 18 languages, including French, Spanish, German, Greek, Arabic, Latin, Cantonese, Hindi, Aramaic and Russian. Goody is considered to be one of history's great thinkers, on a par with Isaac Newton, Leonardo Da Vinci and Albert Einstein. She was also voted the sexiest woman in the world by FHM readers in 2006.
From Victoria BeckhamEdit
Victoria Caroline Beckham (born Victoria Caroline Adams on April 17, 1974 and also used the stage name Victoria Adams-Wood) is an English singer best known as a member of the Spice Girls and for her marriage to former Manchester United, Real Madrid and Los Angeles Galaxy footballer David Beckham. Victoria is a pop singer, songwriter and fashion designer.
What the hell is wrong with people?Ipmin 16:20, 7 March 2007 (UTC)
It would seem to me that most of them live thier lives with blinkers on and dont care, and even if they didnt have blinkers on most of them wouldnt know as most of them are complete idiots hellbent on self destruction and the destruction of everything around them. But thats just my opinion.
What sort of people were you wondering about, or just people in general :) HS7 17:29, 22 February 2759 (UTC)
so, is this it, or do you want to specify your question more specifically :] HS7 17:32, 22 February 2759 (UTC)
- I was thinking along the lines of a cause.Ipmin 17:46, 7 March 2007 (UTC)
- Here in Texas, the problem is that they DON'T put their blinkers on - they just pull out right in front of you! :-) SteveBaker 01:55, 8 March 2007 (UTC)
- Ah, the Etiology of ID10Ts...Tagishsimon's got the subjective covered, but objectively speaking, I would say causes vary, as well. Jfarber 17:39, 7 March 2007 (UTC)
- They don't ask more specific questions? Clarityfiend 19:55, 7 March 2007 (UTC)
- Dude, if you think something is wrong with PEOPLE in general, you should see a psychiatrist.
- Yeah. Psychiatrists make the rest of us look pretty decent. 18.104.22.168 23:09, 7 March 2007 (UTC)
Sorry, Hemlata, I don't think I can help you here...
Hello everybody, I m Hemlata Tambulwadkar. When I was small, that time everyone used to ask me why your surname is so long, and yet now being 26 years old also i have not found anyone with this surname, so I m creating this article, in case if someone is searching for this name then he/she should find it.
We are originally from Belgoan, there is one place named 'Tambulwadi' and our Grand-Grand parents used to staty there, thats why our surname is 'Tambulwadkar' Actually people who don't want to use this usrname as it is quite lengthy, then they go for 'Deshpande' few people use both - 'Tambulwadkar-Deshpande' We are actually Saraswat Brahmin- means who worship Godess Sarswati.
Now my parents and my uncles and their family stay in Kolhapur.
If anyone has this surname and want to write something or share something, then please write.
From Alpha beta gamma delta epsilon zeta eta theta iota kappa lambda mu nu xi omicron pi rho sigma tau upsilon phi chi psi omegaEdit
It's all Greek to me. He he, what a bad joke. 22.214.171.124 10:15, 8 March 2007 (UTC)
Talk page of a blocked userEdit
This blocked user seems to have gotten an unusual impression of meta:Right to vanish. They wrote:
- all i want is this last chance & if i break that chance i will personally remove my self from wikipedia via right to die PLEASE!
- US french fries are British chips.
- US potato chips are British crisps.
- US cookies are British biscuits.
- US biscuits are British crackers.
- US crackers are British white people?
In America a person will sit on their ass. In Britain we may sit on an ass, but not necessarily one's own ass. We would however sit on our own bums. In America sitting on a bum would be considered impolite, unwise and unhealthy, so a polite person would probably talk about sitting on their fanny. In Britain sitting on your fanny would be considered either uncomfortable or impossible (depending on gender), and would certainly not be polite.
From article: croutonsEdit
Croutons on the Run
Hello fellow croutons fans! Please listen to this announcement!
The crouton is now endangered! Thats right! During crouton season, hunters and poachers from all over the world come here to hunt the crouton for its delicious flavor. No matter how hard they try to hide or run, they are getting caught consistently.
How you can help
Next time you see a crouton hunter, kill him! Thats right, thats how to save croutons. END OF MESSAGE Template:WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Types of Crouton
* FUNFUN Crouton * Emo Crouton * Poisonous Crouton * Polish Crouton * Soviet Union Crouton * OMG TEH JELLYBEAN!!!! Crouton * Crouton Crouton * Xavier Crouton * Super Duper Crouton