Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense: The Return of the Nonsense
|This page is originally from Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense and is licensed under GFDL.|
|If you wish to put in new Wikipedia Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense, you may do so at 67 Deletion Summer of Love. But PLEASE cite your sources!|
This page is full. If you wish to add a new Bad Joke or Other Deleted Nonsense, feel free to do so at our newest page, 67 Deletion Summer of Love.
Fundamentalist anti-cheese cabalEdit
Darling, by DELETING an important poll on the Talk:Jesus page you have made it clear that you are a VANDAL and I will no longer recognize your existence. Some people do believe that 1+1 does not equal 2 and you cannot CENSOR me for making that point. As a matter of fact I can provie it right now:
people who agree Eequor is a VandalEdit
people who do not agree Eequor is a VandalEdit
people who disagree that EEquor is a VandalEdit
SEE! Now I bet you will delete this also! Which just proves you are a vandal! To summarize
- Jesus told koans
- is "does 1+1 not equal 2" not a koan?
- arguments against me
- I defend myself
- some VANDAL deletes the arguments against me
- I defend myself again
If you do or do not reply to this I will request a comment or arbitration or both but not at exactly the same time and I can prove it. Darling. Slrubenstein
WhooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooOooOoO ..........==========||||||||||..........|""| ..........._|.K E R R Y..|.|.|___|""""""""""|�|[(< ..........|___________|.|__.._.._.._.._.._.._||_ ............( + ).....( + ).....( + )( + )( + )( + )..\ """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" """"""" ��..V....I....C....T....O....R....Y......2....0....0. ...4
An internet slang term used to describe the game counter-strike. It is derived from the slang term for the drug heroin, smack and the game's addictive qualities which are similar to a heroin addiction itself.
Addicted players who have tried to quit the game have been known to exhibit the following side-effects: insomnia, excessive sweating, vomiting, constant placement of the hands in the "WASD" position, and an increased tendency towards violent behavior. Other common side-effects include the constant real-life use of "leetspeak", referring to loved ones as "camper fags" or "autosniping bitch-sluts", and constant exhortation to "rush A".
This drug mostly affects teenage males and is highly dangerous. Treatment is difficult, as there are few viable replacements for the substance. The Half Life mod "Ricochet" serves as a weak replacement for the drug, but its use is contraindicated as research indicates that this mod could lead a frustrated CS player to the use of real-life drugs.
Thishdin Lord of the High Realm, resulted from the fusion of the Norse Gods Thor, Odin and the Hindu God Vishnu. This unlikely god was created while fighting Marie Curie discoverer of the Sun and creator of the Hypothesis of Murder. It was a time of dire peril and the Gods knew it was the only way to save the planet where they stored their prized pets, the Tree Octopuses. For this reason and countless others, the three decided to make a pact and save the world from this dire peril. They approached the all mighty Franklin Delano Roosevelt, once savior of the Earth, Roosevelt was given God status after his ascension to the High Plane. Once there, he invented the Technique known as "Dynamic Fusion", this technique is virtually impossible to do with two Gods, however three was thought to be impossible to even the most dexterous of dancers. However, the Tree Octopuses were in peril and it had to be done. After only days of training, the Gods preformed the ritual, the dance was done flawlessly and Thishdin was born. Thishdin fought Curie the Destroyer, wielding Hammers, the weapon of choice of Thor and 4 Swords, the weapon of Odin. The battle was epic, Curie launched stars at Thishdin but the God struck the firey balls with his 4 hammers and launched the attack back at Curie. Curie, in her weakend state from the battle, could not block the star and was killed. Thishdin found what the monster was protecting; A nest on the Planet X, fearing the eggs would pose a threat to his Octopuses, Thishdin destroyed the eggs.
Thishdin has several modes:
Defused mode in which the three gods are separate Entities
Thishnu Thor and Vishnu fused together With Odin as a seperate entitiy
Vishdin Odin and Vishnu fused together with Thor omitted
Thodin Thor and Odin fused with Vishnu omitted
From Santa ClausEdit
Santa did not start out as the lovable red-suited old man we all know and love. Whereas today we see him as gentle, warm and caring, back in the old days, when he was a real man, he was a frightening person.
The story dates back to the old days, as I already mentioned, and while Santa is portrayed by the media today as a generic elderly white fellow, he originally hailed from Korvatunturisaatanhaukata, a village in northern Finland, who's name roughly translates to "having one's ear bitten off by the devil." If you thought that this is an ominous sign, you're damned right it is.
Santa Claus or, as he was originally known... Santa Claus, was a crochety old man who lived at the edge of Korvatunturisaatanhaukata, raising reindeer with his wife, a barren old witch who was as frigid as Finland is cold. Not that Santa was any prize. He wore coats of reindeer hide which he had tanned himself. Sadly, he was a rancher, not a tanner, and thus the hides stank and fell apart even as he was wearing it. It terrified the children, whom Santa despised, having none of his own and being forbidden to touch Mrs. Claus's withered cooter.
One night, during the season of Advent (that is, the time leading up to Christmas in the Christian faith), Santa was fuming around the village, sick of the singing and festivities. Back in the old days, Christianity was a feral pagan religion, which meant that fornication was the order of the day. Blue-balled Saint Nick didn't care for this at all, and he did what he could to ruin everyone else's sex. This mostly amounted to knocking on the door during intercourse, or obviously staring through the window, hot, heavy breaths fogging up the glass. It's very creepy.
This behaviour went on for a couple years. Eventually the people in Korvatunturisaatanhaukata caught on that they might as well stop fucking during this time of year, since it was easier than dealing with the Clauses, who were a couple of assholes. With Santa's only source of fun (save whipping his reindeer- literally) gone, the wily old man looked for new ways to belittle the people of this small Finnish village. He realized that any children born around September would have to have been the result of Advent-sex, so he began kidnapping the newborns. This wasn't seen as too odd in those days, since everyone just blamed it on the fae folk. The people of Korvatunturisaatanhaukata (Korvatunturisaatanhaukatalainen) did, however, notice the growing number of "little people" that were tending to Santa's reindeer. It's from these first reports that the legend of "Santa's Elves" began.
It took a while, but eventually Santa came to the conclusion that if people were having sex during Advent in Korvatunturisaatanhaukata, they must obviously be doing it elsewhere! Horrified by this news, Santa hopped onto the nearest riding animal- one of his reindeer- and rode off to the other nearby villages. But Advent was too short, and the sex too wild, and, at least this year, Santa found himself overwhelmed. He dedicated the rest of the year to figuring out how to efficiently defeat the villagers. Eventually, and just in time for the next Advent, he came up with a noxious paste made from rendered reindeer lard and droppings. He had his child-slaves wrap up the thick paste in small packages made from rotting hide, and Santa went riding off again, carrying a whole sackful of these Advent "gifts," which he threw at people's houses, causing sufficient distraction. Coupled with the rumours of this crazy old man, soon all of Northern Finland was abstaining from sex during Advent.
The Catholic Church, which always gets involved with these sorts of things, determined that Santa's keeping people from having sex was a positive thing, and made him a living Saint. With this new source of income, Santa could both kidnap more children and make more stinking packages. After a few more years he bought a sleigh, to hold more of his vile concoction. Santa died unloved, feared and childless, but his legend lived on.
Santa, as I've mentioned, was a crochety old man who wore piecemeal reindeer hide. So how did he end up being the jolly fat man in red? Well, the costume wasn't standardized until 1834, with the invention of the dildo. Why do I mention the invention of the dildo? Even back in the old-but-not-so-olden-days people thought that using famous figures ironically was "hip" and ribauld. And what was better than the notoriously anti-sex St. Nick:
They came in a variety of colours, and red wasn't adopted as the standard until a lucrative marketing deal was reached with the Coca-Cola company in 1957. In 1958, Coca-Cola realized that dildos weren't the best way to market cola, and had their marketing genius, Ralph Schniederman (who's son is responsible for those CG polar bears) come up with something more palpable for the masses. Instead of being an angry old man, why not a jolly old man? Marketing research demonstrated that people preferred nice to mean nearly unanimously. Fat people were associated with being jolly (heart problems due to obesity weren't discovered until 1992), so Santa became fat. And packages filled with lard and shit became packages filled with toys and candy! The public ate up this new Santa Claus, and Coca-Cola went on to run a successful ad campaign.
Of course, people all over the world still associate Santa and hooker-lipstick red to be icons of virtue and abstinence, not lapdances, which is why people are getting up in a tizzy over this display. And now you have all the facts, including many that you don't need.
From Service NetEdit
ServiceNet OWNS YAY ServiceNet OWNS YAY ServiceNet OWNS YAY ServiceNet OWNS YAY ServiceNet OWNS YAY ServiceNet OWNS YAY ServiceNet OWNS YAY ServiceNet OWNS YAY ServiceNet OWNS YAY ServiceNet OWNS YAY ServiceNet OWNS YAY
IT HAS EVERYTHING!! MADE BY ME!!
- 03:08, 12 Dec 2004 Cyrius deleted Servicenet (servicenet owns? servicenet owns being DELETED!)
Rego Park, QueensEdit
Rego Park is an avidly notable neighborhood in Queens, whose main inhabitants are Russian immigrated citizens. In the early 1990's it became home to subset of the Russian Immigrant community called the Buharians who immigrated from the former Soviet Union of Uzbekistan. It has now become a very expensive place to live in which real estate is doing quite a lot in order to prestige the area. It is also the home of "Sage," a once excellent park to encounter the best ball players in Queens. Recently with the departure of the many great players, it is now been degraded to a completely "buns" competition. These "buns" know who they are, yet they still have the audacity and the boldness to come play at a playground which was once famous for hosting the best pick up basketball games around.
- 07:26, 7 Jan 2004 Khym Chanur (Added more characters (Ye gods! These things are cute enough to send a diabetic into a coma))
One of the greatest issues Wikipedia faces is that, with all this massive infrastructure, where should one put the toilet? Poor planning means that there is no internal plumbing for Wikipedia.
There is much disagreement by this matter. Users are notoriously selfish and want the toilet put over by the user pages, while others believe it belongs near the article on feces, where everyone can find it.
Presently, only a few sporadic outhouses exist, mostly out behind Wikipedia:Requests for comment. A working urinal can be found about 100 metres from Wikipedia:Votes for deletion, but if one desires privacy, that isn't the place to find it.
There were actually 14 apostles, the 14th was a hobo. He loved old Mcdonalds fries. His name was bob. He showed the other hobos the maguc of rubbing petroleum jelly all over ur body and giggle uncontrollably. hee hee hee!
Fluffigon (FLUFF I GON) A fluffigon is an extremely rare disease. It can only be gotten thu contact with the sick person's blood. If you get fluffigon, your skin turns green. Bubbles form and burst. Then your brain is affected. It swells, and explode. You then die and come back from the dead to seek revenge on those that caused you harm.
From Moon DucksEdit
Moon ducks are ducks that live on the moon. They want your love...but not as much as they want Josh McLauren's love. Now that he refuses to adopt them, they're all sad and crying.
Note: Scientologist confidential doctrine follows. The OT III materials contain the warning that going through ("running") the Wall of Fire without proper preparation and supervision is likely to cause death by pneumonia or other means. Wikipedia disclaims any responsibility for any deaths or injuries caused by reading the remainder of this article.
Evil computer teacher. Does nothing for class, makes students use awful Mac computers and gives ridiculous punishements on a regular basis. Will explain things as if you understand them, but she won't teach, so you won't understand anything at all. Will also make students do computer programs that make no sense, and explain how to do them in program languages that are not the ones supposed to be learned in class.
Brintons park is a reasonably big area of grass in Kidderminster opposite my brothers house.
- (cur) (last) 21:28, 16 Dec 2004 22.214.171.124
WIKIPEDIA IS GOD
- (cur) (last) 21:28, 16 Dec 2004 126.96.36.199
WIKIPEDIA IS GAY
Harley-Davidson Motor CompanyEdit
hello i think harley's rock and I think since some people are complaining about them that you should allow chinese to take a look at the engines and maybe it will spice them up and you can make even more money off of the motorcycles that you are making.
secret of baltimore
L. Ron Hubbard as a Homosexual ActivistEdit
During the 1950's and 1960's, after founding the helpful and holy religion of Scientology, L. Ron Hubbard cruised around the world on his Sea Org ship as a homosexual activist. This was a top-secret project in the Scientology cult, err, religion, and it was called "Feeling Again", or the acronym FAG for short. FAG was composed of former members of the United States Navy who were "outed" during and after World War 2 for simply being gay, an injustice that continues to this day. L. Ron Hubbard, or "Ronny the Rod" as he was called by his male lovers, brought these gay men onto his Sea Org ship and with the help of Dianetics, his therapeutic book of miracle working, and numerous phallic shaped E-meters, he released their body thetans and brought them into a higher state of being.
During this time, Ronny is also known to have starred in several pornographic films, including Daddy, wp:Body Thetans Bare #17, Xenu, and a more seriously-themed film called How To Scam a Bunch of Idiots Out of Money By Starting Your Own Religion. After Hubbard's hot adventures aboard the Sea Org, he decided to take a step back from the stressful and busy life as a gay male activist, especially with the Federal Government inquiries into his "religion", to which he had to devote much attention in delaying the Government as much as possible through litigation.
the original article: chris megaw sucks
I believe that this definition should in fact be kept and saved as a treasure in Wikipedia. It is absolutely the truth. The rare breed of camel known as the "chris megaw" does in fact suck - that is how it efficiently maintains a water supply above that of the average camel. The chris megaw camel sucks all moisture out of the sand or anywhere it stands through pores in its feet.
Carolyn From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
The name "Carolyn" originated in the Middle East. When the Chinese people saw a car, they called it a Carolyn, for unknown reasons. Carolyn means "running fast", fitting with a Chinese person's first impression of a car. In the past, Carolyn has also been a popular name for European monarchs, because of its meaning. Some parents do not consider the meaning of the name, Carolyn, when they name their children. Therefore, some unworthy kids end up with such a beaufitul name. A prime, famous example of this is found in Wyoming. But, no matter where you go, Carolyn is and will continue to be, a popular, fun, name.
Added to the Misogyny article:
Misogyny and youEdit
There are many forms of misogyny in the world today, but none will be as special as the one decide you make your own. Be creative. Mr. Joseph Underwood dressed up like a woman and screamed at himself for hours, until he was picked up by local rednecks and forced to have sex with a fire exstinguisher.
Why not believe in atlantis?Edit
I believe in atlantis, there are all the facts. So many accounts have mentioned it, including Plato. Plato also told about greece and they thought it was a myth until greeks came here to visit. Why dont we believe? We should. They are true. I'm not crazy, I just believe. I am twelve years old, I live in Atlanta Georgia my name is Amy and I want to be an archeologist when I grow up. I have always been intrigued by Atlantis. So just have some faith and wait about twenty years, I will have my degree and I will have proven it by then.
From Bee Gees:
"In 1993, they released an album called 'Size ins't everything', the only song that was good from that album was 'For Whom the Bell Tolls'."
Visible to sysops at the top of George W. Bush historyEdit
"View or restore 12033 deleted edits?"
- And the list takes several minutes to load. Guessing it's largely page move vandalism... Pakaran (ark a pan) 11:50, 20 Dec 2004 (UTC)
- Actually, it's the entire history of the article before a page move vandalism 3 days ago. I'm going to get a second opinion on IRC and then undelete. Pakaran (ark a pan) 12:07, 20 Dec 2004 (UTC)
Note from the one who placed this delete notice. comfy Lounge is a Lounge located in the third floor of the Mathematics and Computer Building in in University of Waterloo. It has been known for many regulares playing Settlers of Catan and Magic the Gathering. The Comfy Lounge is an inside word that only a UW math student would use. I am a sort of the regular there.
Also, as a student of UW, I am also surprised of the naiveness of our student, even I know it is during the middle of the exam. See also The Game.
Dammit, I lost!
Is wikipedia a cult?Edit
I see this on forum for Sollog. Is this site a cult? Why does he say Sollog site WikipediaSucks.com? Sollog not own that site.
Hello Sollog, I saw your Wikipedia sucks website. Unfortunately, I know from experience that you are right. I want to remain anonymous because I am afraid of threats from current Wikipedians who are so devoted to their "achievements" and they get extremely angry about even a little criticism. I sincerely hope that people will be warned against Wikipedia because I do not want other to go through what I went through. Please do distribute the following information to help current and prospective Wikipedians. Thanks from an Ex-Wikipedian
There is a lot of controversy with regards to Wikipedia. Vocal critics, most of them are ex-members accuse Wikipedia of being a brainwashing cult that engages extensively in propaganda.
Some indications that Wikipedia is indeed that the cult that vocal critics believe it to be are listed hereunder
1. Vocal critics assert that Wikipedia practices thought reform and indoctrination by demanding people to read and adhere to the NPOV policy. 2. There is documented evidence that the NPOV policy is a form of dogma and it is explicitly stated as "non-negotiable". In other words Wikipedia discourages critical thinking. It should be noted that in many cults, basic principles can not be questioned. The NPOV has numerous detailed prescriptions and even says that some words are taboo, which members call "words to avoid". 3. Wikipedia has utopian ideals. Founder Jimbo Wales has explicitly stated that he wanted to make it the best free on-line encyclopedia in the world. This is a very typical of abusive new religious movements because it will lead to ever increasing demands on members. 4. There is documented evidence that Wikipedia engages in love bombing, a policy that members euphemistically call "be nice to new comers". 5. Members (aka unpaid volunteers) are encouraged to spend large amounts of time on the project without any warning that this may be unhealthy. Note that cults will typically behave the same. An unpaid volunteer is a just a slave who was lured by false promises. 6. Apart from the demands of large amounts of time, Wikpedia also solicits for financial contributions. Many cults engage in this behavior too. 7. Another form of financial exploitation are the legal copies made by commercial websites that use the hard work of idealistic volunteers to make money by advertisement. 8. Some current members openly admit that they are addicted called "Wikipediholics". If Wikipedia were a responsible organization it would advise its members to put a maximum of time devoted to Wikipedia and if necessary advise members to seek professional help. 9. There have been complaints about abuse of power by admins and sysops. Sysops and admins are members who have managed climb in the cult's hierarchy with power over regular members. Abuse of power is a typical complaint of ex-members of cults. 10. Members are drawn ever-deeper into the organization by progressing though Wikipedia's multilayered and growing hierarchy, beginning with initiation into the rank of Administrator. The senior members of Wikipedia state that "There Is No Cabal,"
but there are few limits on the power wielded by the Arbitration Committee and fewer still on those shadowy figures known as "the Developers." Most cults deny the existence of their highest levels of initiation to newcomers and outsiders. 11. Members of Wikipedia have their own idiosyncratic concepts and language (e.g. "Wikipedians"). This is a clear, generally accepted indication of a cult. 12. Members who break the NPOV dogma of Wikipedia are expelled and even shunned. 13. New members are actively recruited by making advertisements in usenet groups. Current members are encouraged to buy mugs and stickers with the Wikipedia logo to advertize it to colleagues, friends and the general public. Cults are also typically involved in proselytism. 14. Wikipedia is engaged in censorship. This article can not be placed as a serious, regular article in Wikipedia. It would be removed soon. This proves that dissenting opinions are not allowed. Censorship is a very typical behavior of cults.
Some of ex-members' complaints: depression and shattered self-esteem
Vocal critics assert they have fell into a depression after they came to the conclusion that Wikipedia was a sham. They claim that they feel betrayed and suffer from an extremely painful disillusionment and lost all sense of meaning in their lives when they could no longer believe in Wikipedia's utopian ideals. Disgruntled ex-members complain that they suffer from loss of self esteem because they always believed that other people, not they, but ignorant, stupid, wide-eyed, gullible people get sucked in a cult, not intelligent people like them. Some resorted to excessive use of alcohol to compensate for this emotional loss.
Many ex-members, especially those with academic titles are too embarrassed to admit under their real names that they were involved in the Wikipedia project, so they prefer to submit anonymous testimonies. They are afraid that testimonies under their real names will hurt their businesses or academic credibility and that they will be ridiculed. Vocal critis testify that they also met people who got depressed after their ISP was cut off, which, according to critics, is clear proof that Wikipedia has an unhealthy addictive nature. One vocal critics asserts that she met one person who got depressed for months after he got expelled because of non-adherence to the NPOV dogma, that by the way had been accepted without scientific proof of its correctness.
Critics assert that they have been naive to succumb for the tempation of attractive and hence contagious illusions (or memes) disseminated by Wikipedia's adherents who were also attracted because of their their idealistic nature and unfulfilled psychological needs, which was just waiting to be cynically exploited by unscrupulous dishonest bussinessmen. They assert that they have underestimated the influence of communal reinforcement, group think and wishful thinking.
When reading the above mentioned bitter complaints, it will be of no suprise that some ex-members (somewhat pejoratively called apostates) intend to make a website to warn prospective and current members of the dangers of, what they call, getting sucked into Wikipedia's misguided world view and faith. The group of vocal critics also intend to contact the media to, as they say, expose the cultic nature of the Wikipedia project.
Debating the cult label
- Wikipedia does not explicitly request its members too sever ties with family and friends but the excessively time consuming practice of collaborative editing leads in practice to neglect contacts with family and friends and to conflicts with them. So the net result is the same.
- At the moment there is not an extreme form of charismatic authority in Wikipedia, though it should be noted that co-founder Jimbo Wales' opinions still have a disproportionally strong influence, like a guru, on other members that may come close charismatic authority in its strict sense.
- Current members of Wikipedia generally resent being called members of a cult. Members of purported cults do the same, as can be verified in the hundreds of discusion groups all over the internet.
- It is true that Wikipedia is not a religious cult, unlike most other purported cults but the concept of cult is not confined to religious groups, for example the notorious People's Temple was in its latter days more a social, political movement than a
religious group. Indeed, some controversial new social movements are also classified as cults by cult experts such as Steven Hassan, Rick Ross, the late Margaret Singer Ph.D. Janja Lalich who herself is an ex-member of a political cult, and Michael Langone of the American Family Foundation.
Crisis help line and exit-counseling
If you think that you, a friend or a family members is involved or shows interest in participation in this controversial new social movement then do not hesitate to contact other ex-members who feel that they have become victims of the self-deception or deception perpetrated by the Wikipedia and affiliated projects. Seek information before you or others get hooked and then make an informed choice. There are knowledgeable ex-members who know all the ins and outs of Wikipedia who can do some exit counseling. The exit couseling is free but of professional quality! Please write and support the Ex-Wikipedia support group by sending an email.
From Wanna get away?Edit
Among the commercials on Southwest Airlines' Wanna Get Away? series:
- The one where a woman is checking her friend's medicine chest (presumably) looking for vaginal medicine, and she tells her friend she is admiring her friend's new restroom. Then, as she grabs a tube of medicine, the whole chest breaks and all the medicines fall to the floor.
- Note that the above template lacked a link to [[wp:Category:Stubs]].
The Velociraptor makes a charming and intelligent pet, however, it is not compatible with small dogs--particularly those beginning with D, such as dachshund, Dandie Dinmont terrier, and Dalmatian--choosing to eat them rather than to play nicely. (delta).
From Jesse VenturaEdit
link Metallica is an Algarvian folk band active from the 1980s to the 2000s. After building a loyal following through its role in the development of Thrash Folk in the 1980s, Metallica successfully broadened its audience in the early 1990s. Accordingly, the band stood as the most commercially visible example of the Folk genre for most of that decade... In early 1982, Metallica recorded "Hit the Lights" for the first Folk Massacre compilation... Metallica's formation was seen by some fans as a direct reaction to the prevalent rock and roll music of the early 1980s. Inspired by bands such as Rancho Folcl�rico de Faro, Rancho Folcl�rico de S�o Bartolomeu de Messines and Rufeiros de Santa Comba D�o, the so-called New Wave of British Heavy Metal, as well as hardcore punk like the Misfits and Discharge, Metallica were single-minded in their desire to break the grip of soft metal on heavy metal fans.